THE ESSENCE OF A SUCCESSFUL FAMILY LIFE

Everyone wants a successful family. “Successful” in this context means the children who are responsible and families that are harmonious. While it is every parent’s desire to have good and responsible children, it is also every child’s desire to have caring and loving parents. Unfortunately, we do not seem to see much of them these days. What has gone wrong? What is amiss? What is the magic formula of those families that have succeeded?

What has caused our children to be irresponsible and underachieving in school? Why are parents unable to provide the much needed leadership in the family? Is it due to the educational standard that has been further raised to a level that is beyond what many children could successfully attempt? Is it due to our modern-day distractions like computers, TV, etc, or our children’s association with non-academically inclined buddies? Or could it due to the fact that both parents are at work and hence unable to provide proper nurture and guidance for the children? In fact, social scientists, educationists and family therapists have been cracking their heads to search for some answers.

The Dilemma

Given the present scenario, Singaporean families are at a loss when it comes to improving family life. Many Singaporean families are trying hard to revive the good old family ties and family spirit. Perhaps, the hostile external factors around us like work, studies and societal norms have prevailed over us. These present day factors do not seem to be in any way promoting family life.

The mass media has periodically highlighted the difficulties of family life, touting it as a prevalent and perennial problem that is clamouring for answers. This fact can be traced back to the first human family that came into existence when God created Adam and Eve and subsequently their children, Cain and Abel. This proto-type family was beset with family problems right from its inception. Adam blamed his wife, Eve, for their misdeed and Eve, in turn, blamed the Devil.

Ever since this blame-game was played, there have been constant problems in family life. This was further played out in their eldest son, Cain, who, due to jealousy (coz God accepted Abel’s sacrifice) murdered his younger brother, Abel. Fortunately, this need not be the order of the day as God did intervene and hence, troubles need not be perpetuated in every family. There were certainly successful families in the past as there are in the present. We can learn the principles from these families and likewise, have a successful family.

The Principles Of A Successful Family

As we examine these successful families, certain principles unmistakably emerge. As in the business world, sporting arena and academic domain, those who have succeeded had strategies, goals and objectives. They stuck to the ground rules they set. They acted in humility and had open communication. Really, nothing just happens by chance as success or failure is often time knowingly or unknowingly planned for! I would like to propose the following five principles for a successful family life.

It would be ideal to have discussed this matter of having successful family life before marriage or even just after it. However, it is still not hopeless for those who already had children. Likewise, it does not matter if we are an intact family or a single-parent family as it is still possible to plan for a successful family.

Firstly, a prospective successful family must have a destination in mind. As such, we must decide what we want our family to be in the future. In other words, we need to work out a mission statement for our family. This mission statement should be arrived at with the consensus of members of the family, as this gives everyone the sense of ownership.

Secondly, to embark on this venture of successful family, it is imperative to build a “we” culture in the family. This would counter the individualism that is crippling family life nowadays. Instead of our natural inclination towards independence, we need to work towards inter-dependence. There is also the need to have regular family devotion and fellowship time. This is where the family talks about God and prays together, as well as to discuss family matters. This must also be supplemented by individual one-on-one parent and child bonding time.

Thirdly, is to work out a strategy together to guide the family to reach its intended destination. The family would then have a sense of direction and the will to overcome the rough terrains and storms of family life. Notwithstanding that there are always the unexpected obstacles, the family needs to be resilient and rise up to new challenges. This requires the shifting of paradigms and the learning of new life skills.

Fourthly, there is the need to set ground rules for fair practices. Among these rules, the most important is that of mutual respect (Lk 6:31). Regardless of whether one is the father or the eldest in the family, one must demonstrate mutual respect towards other members of the family. The parents, especially the fathers, have to be exemplary in respecting others so that the children can follow likewise. Mutual respect also requires one to display humility and have a “let us learn together” attitude. Family members must readily forgive one another whatever or whenever a wrong is committed (Mk 11:26).

Fifthly, when we have achieved some measure of success, we are not to rest on our laurels as that would spell disaster. Complacency has ruined all great empires in the history of mankind. Similarly, patience is needed, as success often does not come by quickly. As with other great achievements, success only comes after much perseverance; those who have succeeded had been tenacious in their undertakings.

Conclusion

“You reap what you sow” says Paul in Gal 6:7. We can predictably say that how our family eventually turns out is the result of how we are leading our family now. “Strike while the iron is hot” is a familiar proverb and hence, act now; steer your family towards actualising a successful family life. God is ever willing that we enjoy successful family life as each family is an extension of God’s family. A chance missed is an opportunity gone forever! God bless you with successful and happy family life!