PLUGGING MARRIAGE BREAKDOWNS

To get my facts right, I surfed the Department of Statistics website to check out the number of marriages that ended up in separation or divorce. To my alarm, the figure shows a grim situation where every one in every four marriages ended up either in separation or divorce.

As far back as I can remember in my counselling practice the past 8 years, there has never been a shortage of people coming forward with marital problems. Although 60 per cent of the cases that I have been handling relate to marital problems and I am aware that the numbers have been climbing, I didn’t realise the critical rise in the country’s marriage breakdown until I saw the nationwide statistics.

It seems inevitable that the conveniences and material gains offered by post-modernity is also closely trailed by its downside effects of social ills, latter being endemic in most developed countries, aka post-modern societies. Such social ills affect the whole spectrum of human relationships, which include family, work life and social life. Teen problems that have been in the media limelight are only a tip of the iceberg. Being impressionable, teens are most susceptible to the adverse influences of trends. As a result, they have also unwittingly joined the rank of married people though a little pre-maturely. Many teens are hitching up much ealier and they may not be mentally, emotionally or financially prepared to handle the challenges of marriage.

In our church, we also see a fair share of young couples struggling with marital conflicts. Hence, we have developed a three-prong approach to minimise the conflicts and prevent divorce. First, we put couples intending to marry through a six-session pre-marital counselling course. This course includes an individual review of the couple’s compatibility through a psychological test which they are required to take before they attend counselling sessions together. Next, we periodically run marriage enrichment workshops to “repair” as well strengthen existing marriages. Lastly, we pair up young couples with more “matured” couple to mentor them.

On top of this, we have a full-time, trained counsellor to counsel troubled couples at no cost at all.

Below are the brief descriptions of course, workshop and mentoring programme.

• A 6-session Pre-Marital Counselling Course
  Includes a psychological test to analyse a couple’s compatibility, the course exposes them to the reality of marriage as they cover issues like conflict resolution, communication, finances, in-laws and ‘family baggage’ from their respective backgrounds. This is an effective programme as 95% of the couples who have attended this course remain happily married to each other till this day.
  
  
• Marriage Enrichment Workshops
  Run twice a year, they strengthen, enrich or rectify existing marriages. Although the topics are almost similar to that of the Pre-Marital Counselling Course, it is designed as a discussion format and enables couples have to work out their conflicting issues.
  
  
• Marriage Mentoring Programme
  ’Marriage mentors’ (couples who have at least 10 years of reasonably successful marriage and family life) are prudently selected and paired up with ‘mentee couples where both parties hold informal meetings whenever there are issues to be discussed. The marriage mentors are constantly equipped and updated with skills in counselling, parenting and marriage enrichment, conducted by an experienced and qualified marriage counsellor and family life educator.

We have found such programmes highly effective in preserving and strengthening marriages and families. Similar programmes should be made more available and accessible so that we can minimise failed marriages and uphold the family – an important institution and the basic unit of society, and definitely an important pillar of support for our nation.