ABOUT JUVENILE DELINQUENTS

By Rev Sam Kuna

Life is Unfair! I have always wanted to start an article with these words, having been influenced by M Scott Peck’s “The Road Less Travelled” where he started his book with“Life is difficult.”1 In several of my talks with youth I have started out with these words and got the youth to repeat the words. These words have a way of capturing the attention of the youth for the next 30 minutes of my talks. My simple conclusion with teens is, if life was to be fair then all of us should get equal opportunity and be given the same chances in life. We might even look like clones of each other. A particular group of young individuals, classified as juvenile delinquents will disagree with anyone who suggests that we all have equal opportunity. Children, teens, and youth have an overwhelming sensitivity towards the issue of fairness and justice. However, many of us (as adults) have a mixed response when we talk about juvenile delinquents (JDs). Some of us feel that JDs “asked for trouble” therefore let them pay the price and face the consequence of their crime. Others might think that JDs are young, vulnerable and impressionable and therefore cannot be held totally responsible and/or accountable for their misbehaviour and actions. Therefore, they deserve to be given a second chance! Other might also vouch that “it is the parents fault!” (1)

If only the parents were at home and took care of their children, we would see a decline in juvenile crime. None of the above views is right or wrong! I have found that it is best and most effective when we start working with the teen/youth to teach them to take responsibility for HIS/HER OWN CHOICES & DECISIONS! Ownership and self-awareness of the problems seems to be the decisive moment for youth in recovery. Trying to shift blame and trying to analyse the past seem to matter little in the recovery and development of JDs. I list several misconceptions that we may have about youth and JDs. Some of these may be the result of stereotyping or even the position taken by counsellors, helping agencies, or the authorities.

1. We believe that juvenile delinquents generally have a poor self-image— Not necessarily! The reality is a delinquent generally regards himself as a good person, a decent human being who is trying to make it in life --- regardless of how many crimes he may have committed. For many delinquents, when they are confronted with tangible evidence that he/she has committed a crime or harmed someone, the shame and guilt would likely to cause him/her to blame the victim or minimize the harm. Strangely enough, even an individual who has engaged in acts of tremendous rage and violence believes that he is decent human being. At times the JDs even react strongly against any suggestion from parents, adults, police, counsellors or helpers, that they have committed a crime. This is taken as a confrontation and a direct challenge to the young delinquent’s self-worth and self-esteem (2).
   
2. Another tendency would be for JDs to admit participating in a “crime” just to get people off their backs or just to feed what adults want to hear. The JDs acknowledgement of the crime may be just the fact that they broke the law (other people break the laws too!) but they got caught! It is defined as a technical crime not necessarily affecting the JDs appraisal of himself as a human being. Many of the JDs we work with in Teen Challenge see themselves as individuals who are charitable, religious, skilled and talented, able bodied, are even disgusted with certain anti-social behaviours and crimes, kind and considerate to their friends and strangers (especially their own gang members!), sentimental towards animals, disabled people, the elderly, their own parents, family members and children. JDs sincerely believe that whatever “sin” or “crime” that they have committed is more than well compensated by the good that they have done.
   
3. A third misconception is that JDs can distinguish the difference between“right” and “wrong.” However, in reality the JDs believe that they could make anything right wrong and anything wrong right. It’s a matter of who gives the definition. Right is what the JDs want to do at the time and the fact that he wants to do it makes it right! This may seem like cyclic thinking and it actually is. This is sometimes perpetrated in movies and the media where “it is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. (3)” If the motive is right then it should be alright!

When the JDs think this way, then the moment they are arrested or apprehended, it is their view that they are victimised and that they are the party that has been wronged. Thoughts like, “I am not as bad as they claim,” or “I am better than many others that I know,” or “I am not a real criminal,” or even, “I have been set up or framed by someone else.” The religious ones may even “call upon God” to bail him/her out or to come to their rescue on account of their previous“faithfulness.” I have heard of a young couple (the girl was underage) who would get into a compromising situation and have sex each weekend and then proceed to kneel by the bedside and ask for God’s forgiveness and to help them not to do it again! This young teenage couple perceived no contradiction between prayer and underage sex.

Through my years of working in Teen Challenge Singapore, I have found that most juveniles rebel or turn to misdemeanour or crime because the adult world, whether it is parents, teachers, relatives, or just the system, places frequent and often unbending demands on them (The reader may choose to disagree). Any form of rigid approach does not give sufficient room for the necessary growth, discovery, and experimentation that is needed most during adolescent development. In mentioning this, I am of the opinion that a lot of our teenagers’ delinquent behaviour is exaggerated because of what I term “extended adolescence” that was introduced after WWII when teenagers were kept longer in school and therefore did not enter the “adult world” in their teen years but only in their early 20s! Where at one time a 16 year old would have been given adult responsibilities and joined the workforce, today a 16 year old is considered incapable of making adult decisions and unable to fend for himself or herself! And this only happened within the last 20-25 years in Singapore!

Today, most parents have a struggle with “letting go” of their teenagers and are confused as to what the official “rite of passage” is for our young people in Singapore. Recently, during a Parenting Talk, I was asked when was the right age to “let go” of a teenager. My reply was focused on the parents’ readiness to “let go” and not the age of the teenager! A teenager must develop into an adult…he/she has no other option! And so, it is up to parents to decide when to let the teenager carry adult responsibilities for him/herself and to develop his/her individuality. When this “rite of passage” is stifled then there may be the possible scenario on delinquency and rebellion described earlier. I do not subscribe to“blaming” parents for the problems that teenagers have neither do I advocate for the teenager as the “victim” nor sympathise with how bad “mom” or other adults were in their lives3. I believe that teenagers should eventually take equal responsibility for the relationship and the process within the family. What then could parents do if their teenager has turned delinquent?

1. An early understanding would be to find out why your teen is rebelling or has become involved in delinquency. Chances are he/she is rebelling against a certain value rather than a certain person. In other words, your teen may not be (3) hitting at you personally, but at something that you value or something that you stand for. It could also be that, the rules keep changing so often that the teen just gives up in frustration. Strangely enough…teens and youth need consistency too!
   
2. A critical experience among many of the family cases that I have handled indicate that somewhere along the way, parent and child stopped talking with each other and began they are talking at each other. Communication moved from conversational tones to directives and interrogation! “Have you made your bed?”“What time are you coming back?” “Do you have homework?” “Why are you so late?” This kind of communication will reduce conversation to one word replies and eventually to grunts and sighs! So my encouragement to parents is to keep communication lines open. Especially when we are all overwhelmed by “busyness” we need to be deliberate in listening to the spoken and unspoken words. Be patient when you are listening and do not betray your internal exasperation by interjecting or coming to quick conclusions. If you still overrule and dominate the conversation, then you may be setting yourself up for a continued power struggle between you and your teen.
   
3. When the home situation seemingly has deteriorated and the young juvenile is identified as a delinquent, then it may be a “wake up call” of sorts for the family to seek external assistance or help. This can be in the form of a family counsellor, psychologist, pastor or religious teacher, social worker, or any other professional helper. The assistance and intervention of a third party may help identify blind spots in the family structure and relationships and keep the dialogue and conversation going in the right direction. The main idea of seeking external help is to identify the main issues and getting to the root of the problem so it can be resolved and healing can begin to take place in the family. When juvenile delinquency hits a family, the entire fabric of the family will be tested. It may seem like the little teenager is fighting against all that the family had stood for and that the parents have suddenly become the enemies, but from our experience in Teen Challenge Singapore we found that the JD wants to get along with the parents and looks up to positive adult role models who are able to make the connection with them. The task before us is not to wait for the JD to take the first step, especially not after the JD has been arrested or charged in court. But instead, it is the adults around this JD, the family and in particular, the parents’ responsibility to take the first step. Life is unfair. We do not live according to the same script. But maybe, just maybe, our appropriate response to the juvenile delinquent in the time of their need can make all the difference in how they approach life in their future.

REFERENCES

1. Cloud, Henry & Townsend, John. The Mum Factor. Harper Collins, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530. 15.
2. M.Scott Peck, MD (1978). The Road Less Travelled. New York, A Touchstone Book, Simon & Schuster, 16.
3. Travis, Case. Northwest Baptist Church, Article from the Internet “Myths & Misconceptions”